Important Breastfeeding Issues

One of the reasons many breastfeeding mothers give up so soon is the lack of support. Not having the support they need from family, friends, and even within our society tends to make it very difficult for new moms. To have family members criticize their decision for breastfeeding. Hearing them constantly state that they are starving their baby. To hear them say over and over again how much better formula is compared to breastfeeding can be a bit too much for some. And how society treats a breastfeeding mother can leave a new mom feeling embarrassed and "dirty" for simply providing the best for her child.


One thing a new mother must keep in mind is that those who are so strongly against breastfeeding either:

• Do not have the correct information about it, thus not being able to truly understand it's wonderful benefits. It is very hard to support something if you do not understand it.
• Have their own personal sexual issues that they are not dealing with. Only someone who has personal sexual issues would think of a mother naturally feeding her child as indecent.

Breastfeeding is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child. It is not wrong and it is not sexual. It is also not against the law. The Breastfeeding Center has gathered information for new and experienced breastfeeding mothers that will help them in not only gaining support, but keeping you abreast of what the laws have to say. It is also helpful that you learn how to be comfortable with nursing in public if that is your choice.

Dealing with Your Family

Unfortunately, many mothers end up having to deal with criticism about their choice to breastfeed at one point or another. Criticism from strangers happens occasionally, but tends to be easier to deal with since you're unlikely to see those people again. Criticism from family members and others close to you can be much harder to handle.

Sometimes the people close to you - particularly your parents - feel that when you make parenting choices that are different from their own, it is a personal attack on their own parenting choices. They may truly feel that accepting your parenting choices is the same thing as admitting that their own parenting choices were wrong. It may be helpful to make it clear that your choices are not a judgment on their parenting, but a result of having different information available that you are using to make choices for your own unique child and family.

Always keep in mind that family members and close friends who make negative comments about breastfeeding generally do so because they care for you and your child, even if their comments are uninformed or inappropriate.

Techniques on Handling Criticism

Educate
Many people simply aren't aware that there are continuing benefits of breastfeeding for mother and child. They do not know that there is a huge amount of research data that supports sustained breastfeeding-- particularly regarding the health benefits. State the scientific facts about why breastfeeding is beneficial. Print off some written material and leave it around your house --the bathroom is always a good place! Gently ask the person who is criticizing you to read through it--not for the sake of argument, but for the sake of considering what is beneficial for your child.

Respond to Specific Concerns
Try to find out exactly why they feel nursing is a problem - this way you can respond to specific concerns and correct any misinformation. Do they think that there are no benefits to baby? Are they worried what others will think? Have they read the research? Have they met other families with children who were breastfed for an extended time?

Let them know how their comments make you feel
It may be helpful to have a heart-to-heart talk with someone who has too many negative things to say about breastfeeding. This unsupportive person may need to hear you say how these comments hurt you and your child (particularly if your child is older), and that you need them to stop. Children often understand a lot more than you realize, and negative comments and actions can be confusing and upsetting to them. Your words may get through, or at least prevent this person from criticizing breastfeeding in your or your child's presence.

Quote an authority
Some people who will not listen to you will listen to a doctor or other professional. Say that your child's doctor recommends continued nursing. If your doctor is firmly pro-breastfeeding, take the unsupportive person with you to a doctor appointment so they can hear it for themselves. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that "breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mutually desired." The World Health Organization recommends that babies be breastfed for at least two years.

Here are links to statements from authorities on the importance of breastfeeding.

Laugh it off
Some have found humor to be an effective way to hush others. You might come back with something like, "Don't worry. I don't think I'll have to room-in with her when she moves into the dorm at college!"

Avoid the issue
Another way to handle criticism is to do your best to avoid the issue. If the subject of breastfeeding comes up, politely change the subject. Try to go into a different room to nurse to avoid or minimize any direct comments to your child.

Make the subject completely off-bounds
Some parents (particularly when others are very opposed to continued breastfeeding) find it most effective to refuse to argue or discuss the matter at all. It's sometimes necessary to be nice but firm: "This is my child and my parenting choice and I will not discuss it anymore." If they DO bring the subject up, answer with the exact same phrase every time (for example, "This is what works for our family") until they realize that the matter is not up for discussion. If that doesn't work, then leave.

What if nothing is working?
When you are willing to debate the matter, some people will feel that they have a good chance of convincing you that you are wrong--and thus will continue with their objections ad infinitum. Sometimes a person is not really interested in hearing your reasons, but only wants to keep "wearing you down" until you do things their way. If it's just an emotional response that they are having, and they can't give any reasons for it (or keep giving 'bad' reasons one after another as soon as you answer, without any intention of stopping or listening to you), then you might be better off with doing things like using humor, avoiding the issue or making the subject off-bounds.

Express confidence in your decision while being as diplomatic as possible (depending upon who you're talking to). Once they realize that there is no chance of dissuading you, then they may give up the argument, or at least tone it down. Repeat the same statement every time the issue comes up. Eventually it will get through.